Beginning
Morgengry i Tylstrup. Foto: Victoria K.
Lots of snow was falling all around her, the tiny soft crystals of ice landed on her hand, melting as they touched her warm skin. The snow creaked under her feet for every step she took and her breath was painting clear small clouds in the frost biting cold air.
The snow has been falling nonstop from the white sky since Monday. Today it was Friday, she wasn’t sure, but she thought so. She wasn’t for real sure, since she’d moved to this little city, Åre, in Jämtlands län, she’d lost the track of time; each day looked like the previous one. She sighed and continued walking, to reach the top of the cliff. She loved the nature, which was one of the reasons for her suddenly disappearing to the north of Sweden; she wanted to be closer to nature life.
She took a deep breath when she finally reached the top of the cliff, after hours of walking. The silence surrounded her soul, the only thing she could hear was the silent wind playing in the trees around her. A little squirrel ran fast from one tree to another, seeking shelter from the snow. A smile came over her lips, but not all her face was smiling, since the sadness in her blue eyes was not to hide. She sat down on a big stone, which was lying in shelter under a tall snow-covered evergreen. She let her eyes slide over the beautiful view; she could see things far from here. The Swedish landscape reached for several kilometers underneath the cliff. From the frozen lake, Öster-Jansjön, to the wooded mountain landscape and the tiny houses near the lake. She looked up at the clouds where the sky was hidden behind, she hasn’t seen the sun for days, since it just kept snowing and therefore the clouds kept covering the sky with a soft off-white cotton look.
In silence she smiled a little again, she was really sure, that if she could be happy again somehow or somewhere, it would be here. The pure air she was breathing, the stunning nature and the kind people living here, all welcomed her as she’d always been living here. She let her thoughts travel back to the rainy day in October last year. Back to the beginning, to the end of her life as she’d always knew it. The completely normal life, where a person goes to work, come home in the afternoon, making dinner for the loved ones and then again doing all the common being-home-things. But that day in October it all changed, when her beloved threw her out, telling her that he’d met another.
She felt betrayed, at the first she couldn’t believe that it was really happening, but as the minutes passed by it suddenly came clear in her mind, that this was no nightmare, it was real, it was the truth. Suddenly she realized that everything that she knew would change, everything that she cared for would disappear in the dust, as it has never been there, never existed. It was there it began, her body started to shake uncontrollable. She started to hyperventilate out of pure shock and her once loving eyes was just empty dark holes in her pale face. It was like he saw in her eyes how her heart was splintered into thousand pieces, how her soul slowly took its last breath.
In his try to stay cold and distanced he told her to collect her most important stuff, since he’d promised this new woman that she could move in this very evening. Still in deep shock she packed a little bag, reached out for her blue winter coat and disappeared out of the door, leaving no words for him.
First after several hours spent sitting in front of her parents’ fireplace, she finally broke down in tears. It was not a question of acting strong, but the shocking truth left her back empty and without feelings. She told her parents that she’d already made her decision, that she couldn’t stay here so close to her shattered life. She’d to move far away, start a new life in the trying to forget the painful past.
Only three weeks later, she packed her things in boxes and moved up to the little skiing-resort, known as Åre. She fell in love with the description of the house and she knew already there, that this was her new home, her new beginning. She knew that it broke him to hear that she left the country, but that was even the point. He’d destroyed her heart, so he was going to pay for it; he wanted her out of his perfect life, so she made sure, that she was really out of his life. His hope for this secret affair he suddenly talked about got turned down. Now he realized that he’d lost her for real, with no going back. She’d been furious and she threw a cup into the wall in pure anger that day. How could he be so blind? Destroying her life and kick her out from their home, and after that wanting her to stay as his simple lover. She felt how her hands started to shake, just by the thought of what happened that day…
She woke up from her daydreaming by the sound of footsteps behind her. She turned confused around and saw two elks standing there, not even four meters away from her. It took her breath away. Their beauty, when they stood there together, passing by her shelter in their search for food. After a while, the elks turned around and went on their search for food and she started to realize how cold she was. She looked down at her hands, finding that they were all blue and she couldn’t feel her toes. When she stood up, she felt how her bones were like ice and how every movement caused her pain. She pulled her coat closer around her freezing cold body and started slowly the walk back to the city, back to her new home and the beginning…
Skrevet d. 14/01-2013